Roxane Lehmann, Ph.D.

Reframe: Phil Takes Over His Kids’ Problems

Season 4, Episode 13 (Rebroadcast from 1/23/13)

The Framework

Tonight’s episode begins with the three teens in the Dunphy household each struggling with their own problem. Their father, Phil, offers to help, but it’s clear that the kids would prefer the help of their enforcer mom. Like Alex said: She gets results.

And with that, Phil – who obviously thinks of himself as a problem solver – springs into action, determined to earn some respect from his kids by taking care of their problems for them. He does a quick drive-by (Literally!) of each teen’s problem, trying to solve each with his charm. But he fails miserably. Here’s how Haley summed it up: Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all of our lives.

(To view the original post in full, click here.)

My Notes

When my teens struggled with a problem, I was at my best when I remembered to do more listening than talking. And when I did talk, reminding my teens of their past successes under similar circumstances often helped more than anything else that I said.

I’d remind them of a specific instance or two in the past when they felt similarly – times when they were uncertain about what to do or that they’d be able to figure out what to do. I’d remind them, that in the end, they’d come up with solutions that worked. And I then talked about their personal strengths and the other resources they’d drawn on to solve those problems.

Flipping the Frame: Your Parenting Experiences

• Have you found an especially good approach for supporting your teen when their struggling with a problem? What do you do?

• Has there been a time when your teen struggled with a problem and in the end came up with a solution on their own? As their historian, what words would you use to remind them of their past success?

Flipping the Frame: What’s in the Picture for Next Week?

“The Wow Factor” airs this Wednesday. It’s a brand new episode, and I’m already looking forward to it!

See you next Monday!

---

I'd love to have you become a regular reader. Join my mailing list to be notified by email of new blog posts here. And if you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it on Facebook below.